Closure

My friend Nick sent me the proofs of layout for the Tripface discography. I never was that happy with anything that band did aesthetically. I was always left out of the process because I preferred designs that were too "generic" and "hardcore." This time around I think the layout captures what the band was without falling into the trap of cliché.

The design is wonderful, beyond my expectations, yet something about it made me sad. I don't know what it is about this project, I feel a bit melancholy every time I work on it. I am almost afraid to finish it. I guess it's just odd to see a band I was in put out a discography, something reserved for older bands whose members have moved on in life. Makes me realize that things are moving on in my life.

I've never been that great with closure, finishing this release represents a large door I am shutting on a rather significant part of my life. Another reminder of my own mortality, I have been having a lot of those lately.

It's bizarre to hear my voice from over a decade ago, the emotion is now so foreign. I am taken aback by the juvenile reactions I had to everyday life, and the words I wrote so harshly about experiences I hadn't had enough time to reflect on. It gives me an outside perspective to the my emotional state at the ripe old age of 20.

It took me a good 4 hours to figure out the titles to a couple songs, at 32 my memory is slipping. Listening to a few sound clips made me blush, a few others reminded me of friendships I let fade. It all forced me to look back at a part of my life I have been running from for years, and that maybe I should have just embraced it for what it was.

The picture has nothing to do with this post, is was taken by my friend Tommy at some bar in San Fransisco when I was exhausted and half in the bag. I used it because it captures my current mood.